It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
