The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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