Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
