And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
