Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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