we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he wants to bone in the snuggie
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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