i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
