just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
