Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
