I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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