Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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