she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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