You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
