I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
