Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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