the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
