I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
