did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize