the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
NoShamevember. You game?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
