ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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