I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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