Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
