she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
