I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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