So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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