And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
