i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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