I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
