It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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