I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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