why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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