Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
