I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
