u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
