her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
