dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
