So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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