I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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