And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
