Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
