Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
