I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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