I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
