oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am available for nakedness
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
