He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
