just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
