I'm jealous of your bromance
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
