Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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