if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
