I was born with a shot glass in my hand
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
