But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
