How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
