oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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